Results of an American Survey into
Here are some statistics from an American survey based on the responses from
1,083 people whose spouses had affairs. I have chosen the last 4 questions about
the experience with counselling:
How many counsellors did you see?
27% - One
26% - Two
47% - Three or more
Implication: Only a quarter of couples found the right counsellor first time -
imagine wasting that much time while you're trying to get help.
Was the counsellor helpful?
57% - No, mostly frustrating
23% - Yes, but not as much as I'd like
20% - Yes, very helpful
Implication: Only a very few counsellors (20%) are able to handle the work of
helping couples recover from an affair.
Did the counsellor encourage honest communication about the affair?
23% - No, encouraged us to quickly cover highlights, then move on
45% - Yes, but on a limited time frame and to a limited degree
32% - Yes, very supportive of ongoing honest discussions
Implication: Only one third (32%) of counsellors have the courage, experience,
and training to tackle this difficult work head-on.
Did the counsellor focus directly on the issue of affairs?
59% - No, mainly focused on general marital problems
28% - Yes, but not as strongly or clearly as I'd like
13% - Yes, very directly dealt with this issue
Implication: Only a tiny number of counsellors (13%) have the courage and
experience necessary to keep the sessions focused tightly on the affair.
What do these statistics show?
They show that you must make sure you find a counsellor who really specializes
in helping couples recover
They show that most counsellors are not equipped to do this difficult work.
Make sure you find the right counsellor!
Why choose me?
Helping couples recover from an affair is around half of my work.
Professor Dave Mearns of Strathclyde University says that a counsellor should
have the qualities of fearlessness and stillness.
I have both of these
qualities, which are so essential in helping couples recover from an affair.
Throughout the counselling sessions,
I will keep us on track, towards a full and complete recovery.
I will encourage you to talk about the affair, and to schedule reviews of your
progress in your diaries.
This prevents the useless and fatal error of "Putting it under the carpet"
Is recovery possible?
you are both honest and willing, and with the help of the right counsellor.